Revisited.

Two blogs in one day??? Am I nuts? Probably. :)

I was just thinking about something that happened on Wednesday. I was driving one of my families to court, and we were driving through Delray. Which I had previously written about (see post titles Delray Angels). I was talking with my family about my first time driving through that area. The dad was telling me how drug infested and bad it was. I agreed, but then pointed out how I had seen the angels the angels my first time driving through and how they comforted me. The dad turned to me and said, "You are driving through HERE and the first thing you notice are the angels???" He was stunned.

I was thinking about this just now. I wonder how much of a testament that was to that family then. How much they saw of my faith and spirituality by me simply pointing out angels among the devastation. I hope that's what my life will amount to, always seeing the good in the bad. I fell in the love the Delray angels the first time I saw them. I am glad I did. It makes me happy to know I would have never had driven through that area had I-75 been open. Weird thing to be happy about. I am just glad I got to see that. It's a good reminder of how special my life is and it reminded me of how important it is to ALWAYS find the good in the bad.

I love when God opens up opportunities like that. I was able to show God to that family without even mentioning His name. It just goes back to "Preach the gospel always, and when necessary, use words".

Joy.

I realize that my blog title is "always find joy in the simple things" and I haven't been very joyful lately. My job has really been stressing me out, hence the pathetic blogs.

Anyways. Seeing as I'm not quite as morose as my blog makes me out to be, I'm going to list things that I find joy in:
-my family (although everyone has their thing going on, I am blessed with my family)
-my dog who comes in my room every morning and stares at me as if to tell me to get up and pay attention to him
-i do sometimes find joy in my job, it reminds me of how much God has faithfully blessed me with in my life.
-i find joy in reading a new book
-i find joy in taking the long way back to my house just to finish a good song or listen to it just one more time
-i find joy in waking up to a sunny day when it's been cloudy for two weeks or waking up to a cloudy/rainy day when all it's been is sun.


Just to name a few. I think everyone should take the time to think of the joyful things they have in their lives. Because even the little things can brighten up your day.

Jumpy.

I am really jumpy tonight. My skin is crawling, my heart is racing, I just feel antsy. I don't think I've had anymore caffeine than I usually do, so that's not it. Probably a direct result of my job. I don't feel like getting into that though.

It feels as if God has been poking and prodding me more than usual lately, maybe I'm just aware of it. It's like He's standing behind me, tapping on my shoulder, waiting for me to turn around. I've turned around, I'm aware, now I just have to listen. And listen I will definitely try to do.

I am at a point where I don't know where to go. I want to move forward, but my feet are stuck in mud. It's not to say I'm unhappy. I am happy in my life. My job has definitely showed me how blessed I am. Really. I just don't know where to go or how to get there. It's a challenge and I welcome it. Too much wasted coasting, now it's time to do something. I just don't know what yet, time to put on the thinking cap.

I think I'm gunna apply to volunteer somewhere on a regular basis. I'm thinking maybe a humane society. I deal with people too much during the week and it's burning me out. I like animals and they expect me to work miracles for them, they just want someone to love them and pay attention to them. I can handle that.

I need to center my life. Here we go.

Crashing.

I really dislike when reality comes crashing down on me. I coast by doing okay and then suddenly I'm not. It's so strange.

I can't shake my want to go back to school for something less stressful than the career path I'm heading down right now. I started out in child welfare...I don't want to be categorized as that for my life. I am very scared that since this is where I have experience, that this is where I will stay. I do not want to stay in child welfare. As rewarding as it can be, no one really understands how taxing it can be, unless you work in child welfare as well. And I can't really explain how taxing it can be without feeling like I'm breaking the rules of confidentiality.

I want to move. I want to find the PERFECT job somewhere that's not here. Most days I feel like downriver and the Detroit area in general really just sucks the life out of me. Granted: I do think it Detroit is an awesome city...I mean, it really has potential. But on the other hand, the bad definitely outweighs the good and it takes real effort to see the good things. And I apologize to everyone who is sick of me talking about this, but it's just part of me and the struggles I deal with on a day-to-day basis.

One a good note: I will say that here in this dreary place, I know some pretty amazing people and thank God that He's given me the gift of knowing these amazing people, b/c sometimes I don't think I deserve them. As I feel about most gifts from God...that I don't deserve anything He wants to give to me. So it's not the people that make me miserable here, it's the place and the circumstances.

Oh, maybe I need to shut up about moving and be thankful to God for all that he has provided me. Because I am more blessed than I recognize on most days. That's the biggest thing I've learned from my job. It's when you see actually see the lacking of your blessings in others lives that you start to realize how blessed you really, truly are.

So. Thank you God for everything You have given me and continue to give me.

Trust and Understanding.

Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

What does this look like? I keep thinking my path is straight, but sometimes I don't know. Right now, I am frustrated with life because I can't do all the things I want to. I blame my job on that. And then I get frustrated because I can't find another one. And then I think I should go back to school for something else, but then the five years I spent at GV would be a complete waste. Which is depressing considering the amount of money I'm paying back right now because of it. THEN I blame myself for not listening to God before I went to school. It's a vicious cycle.

Right now, I think I do want to go back to school. I either want to pursue my Masters (b/c my supervisor at work keeps telling me how great of a writer I am) or I want to get certified as a veterinary technician. I would love to work at an animal hospital or humane society. Be on animal cops Detroit, lol.

But then I go back to the question: Is this what God wants for me in my life? I need to do what Proverbs says. I do. But sometimes I don't know how.

Confession.

Ok, before I post this, I must make a confession to you all. My favorite band of time is....Hanson. Yes. I said it. I fell in love when Where's the Love was released (that's the single after MMMBop, just so you know) I've been fan since 1997...and still continue to love them today. Trust me, they're good. Don't judge based on MMMBop, that was 12 years ago.

Anyways...I digress.

Ms. Britts told me today that Taylor Hanson (the middle one) is in a new band. I was shocked and upset at first, b/c I feel like that's a band killer. I don't care what anyone says, I don't want Hanson to cease to exist.

But here's the kicker. The band's name is Tinted Windows and here at the members: Taylor Hanson (Hanson), James Iha (Smashing Pumpkins), Bun E. Carlos (Cheap Trick), and Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne).

WEIRD.

Okay, that is all. I just thought it was weird.

Joaquin Phoenix.

Ok so not to water down my blog with nonsense about celebrities but, I just watched the whole David Letterman clip with Joaquin Phoenix and I have to say it made me feel a little bit nauseous.

From the bits I had seen and the little I'd heard about it I thought that he'd gone on the show just high out of his mind. Which seems to be the case, but now I feel so sad for the guy. He's on there, high or just super depressed and David Letterman is just making fun of him the entire time. And he chooses not to respond, making it seem like he's super doped up. (I mean, he may have been).

There is a part of me that makes me think that his guy is teetering on a very narrow line of life and death, and that makes me feel terrible. I don't know how other people could sit there and see this and think it is okay to laugh. It makes me sick how cruel our society can be. I know I don't know the guy and I know he's a celebrity, but how can people just sit back and let other's self-destruct.

I read somewhere that someone thought it was a stunt. Maybe it is. But, it makes me scared to think that we, as a society, will sit back and be entertained by someone who appears to heading down a bad road. NOT just celebrities. Anyone.

It really does make me ill to think anyone could like that. Jesus is probably saddened by this too.

Restless.

I am getting restless...again. Every once in a while, I can't shake the restlessness. I don't like feeling stagnate for this long.

It's probably because Valentine's Day is around the corner. Every single year, I pretend to ignore it. Life is not fun for me when relationships, and couples, and love are thrown in my face from all angles. Pretending to ignore it usually makes things difficult for me. So this year, I'll just say it: I'm single, sometimes I'm okay with it, others I'm not. There it is. It's out. I'm done.

God has been showing me a lot lately. I enjoy it. He's opening doors that have serious potential, and I love the directions i could go with them all. I will always wish to have a clearer picture of my life. Something I'm certain I will not get, but that's okay. I think I am finally digging myself out of my rut. Which is great. I can feel my mood significantly improving. Minus one incident involving a lobster...I'm still deciding how to deal with that one. Boys...ugh.

That's all I got for right now. I just wanted to post a little ditty here and I did so.

Bed time.

James

Alright. I can honestly say there are only a few times where I could say I felt God pushing me to do something. Those 100% moments where you just know in your heart that you are doing exactly what He wants. Well, I've only been that positive a few times. I doubt too much when it comes to feeling God's pull or push...as the case may be.

This is just a small example, but it meant something to me so I thought I would share.

I went to bed last night the way I usually do. I hop into bed and get on my computer. Sometimes I'll read, but that's been rare lately considering how late I come home most nights. Well, last night, I was about to turn off my light when I snuck a peek at my Bible lying innocently on my nightstand. And I swear it felt like God was yelling at me to crack it open. Not yelling in an angry way, but just pushing me to read. So me, being stupid, hesitates...only b/c in the back of my mind, I know I'm tired. But I listened to God because that would be just so stupid. I have been reading Isaiah, but honestly, I having a hard time getting through it. It's a difficult book for me to read. So I opened to good 'ol James. I remembered how much I liked it the first time I read it and thought I'd start there. I read that first chapter three times. The verses were yelling out to me. It's like I'd been craving what it said. It's unbelievable.

I thought I'd share with you guys some of the verses that struck me hard:
James 1:2-Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds...
James 1:9- The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position.
James 1:27- Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

It's like God smacked me upside the head with those. James chapter 1 is written for anyone who works for other people. It hit me hard because I'd been complaining about my job so much lately, and I understand now why I need to go through this, because it is EXACTLY what God has called me to do. Regardless of how difficult it may be sometimes, and how I feel like I'm not really helping, I have comfort knowing this is exactly where God wants me. I know in my heart that, for now, I'm right where God needs me to be.

I pray that God carries me through this next week...and that I can find joy in the trials. Because there are and will be many.