Britts-Crackers and I were talking earlier about some silly things. And I was suddenly reminded of how old I am. I had a mini-panic attack. haha.
I'm 25 1/2. Eek.
I'm caught somewhere between being terrified of 26, and just not thinking about it. Not thinking about it is not really a defense mechanism.. I really just forget my age. It's really odd, I don't feel like I'm going to be 26 this year. I really don't. I feel more refreshed and alive now than ever. I am really starting to really be myself, and be who I want to be without being afraid of what other people will think of me. I've got myself a pretty darned good group of friends who I know love me for me. I've said that here before, but I really mean it. I heart them. :)
Age really is just a number. I'm not rushed to get things done. I know I may mention it sometimes, but sometimes I think I say it because I feel like I should, or that I'm supposed to. Sure I want to get married, and have a family. But I think, that right now, I'm kind of okay with the way things are. I don't know. I really feel like my brain is wired backwards. I teeter between not caring and being panicked about how old I am and that I'm not quite where other people are at, at my age. As a Christian female, it is kind of the norm to be at least married by now, if not darn near close to starting a family. Honestly, I don't feel like that is just for me yet. Maybe if the opportunity presented itself, I'd feel differently, but right now, I'm not feeling any rush or hurry.
I feel wrong for feeling this way. I don't not want these things, but I've finally gotten to a place where I can feel comfortable with myself the way things are. I'm happy for that.
I know my last few posts have been glass half full silliness, but I really am happy. Joyful even. I hope others can see it. I really do. I want to be that person that just lights up a room with the joy that only God can provide. I feel like that's a pretty good goal to have. :)
I also hope that I can inspire girls to find their worth in other things than whether or not boys like them. Being beautiful to yourself makes you beautiful to other people. I'm really beginning to believe that.
So that's all of my rambling. My thoughts are kind of scattered, but in a good way. Sorry if my writing reflects that. :) Just gunna have to deal with it.
That's all. God bless!!!
2 comments:
Just this morning I had to ask my wife how old I am. I can never remember. It matters so little. All I know is I have a lot left to do if I can get it done. People to love. Places to see. Things to write.
Turning 26 was hard, then it just stopped mattering so much. I felt like I was closer to 30, like 30 was really old. :) Now, I just get annoyed by the grays that are creeping into my hair!
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