Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone!
Jesus was born today, woot! :)

I have experienced some clarity in the last couple of days, and I hope it lasts. I don't like uncertainties and fuzziness. I'm becoming more confident in different areas of my life and I know what I want. I'm pretty confident in everything except my job, but I have faith that will come with time and practice and learning.

I never want to stop learning.

I feel like I have a better sense of who I am and I am trying to show that all the time. I'm trying to be more relaxed around everyone. I want people to KNOW me, not just know me. Ya know? :) I hope it works and that I don't go running back to my comfort zone.

I've successfully been adventurous in the last two weeks or so. Some may not think so, but they were big steps for me. One is probably going to backfire, which will totally be my fault, but things happen...or don't happen, as the case may be. But for me, the experience allowed me to understand better certain things I want and don't want, or like and don't like. I hope these certainties make my life a little less chaotic in the long run. Probably not, because life isn't easy, but who wants it to be? Really.

And I am glad to hear the Christmas miracle provided by the beards this year. Maybe the two rainy Christmases were just a build up to the miracle of this year? Just maybe.

Well, that's all I have to say about all that.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Flu? Maybe. Sick? Definitely.

There is something terribly wrong with me at the moment. I don't have a cold, but I do know I am sick and it's freaking me out.

All of my muscles ache, I have a terrible headache, my sick is crawling...everything that touches me feel awful and irritating, I can't breathe and I keep coughing. Anyone know what's wrong with me?

It sounds like the flu, but I never get the flu, so I'm sorta confused.
Sorry I'm whining. I hate being sick.

On a happy note, my mom's college commencement is tomorrow. I'm so glad we all get to celebrate her awesome accomplishment. Yay! :)

I did karaoke last night. Go me. Granted you couldn't hear me (maybe I was purposely holding the mic farther away than necessary) BUT I still did it. I got up in front of a whole bar of people I did not know and sorta embarrassed myself. I am definitely making strides in the whole making myself uncomfortable front, and challenging myself to do things I normally wouldn't do or that I am afraid to do. There is another thing that I"m doing that is sorta foreign to me, but I'm not divulging that here. Perhaps some other time.

Anyways, I need to sleep. I've been drowsy all day. OH yeah, that's another symptom, fatigue..and it's not from any meds.

Alrighty, I'm out. Peace.

Snowing.

As a midwesterner, born and raised, you'd think I'd get used to being dumped on by snow. Unfortunately, I am not. I am literally stressing myself out over the fact that I may be forced to leave my house and drive in conditions that are definitely less than desirable.

I want to move to Tennessee. Away from the snow storms, and the bleak mood that has set itself semi-permanently in Michigan. You all may think I'm bluffing, but if I could, I definitely would. I need a change in scenery. I'm getting restless.

My future is foggy and I don't like it. At the beginning of college, I knew what the next 4-5 years were going to look like. Go to school, visit home on breaks, go back to school, come home for the summer, go back to school...no real uncertain moments there. It was pretty much set in stone that I was going to finish college. And I did. Now what? You know. I have a job and stuff, but I still feel like I'm missing something. Especially in a job that was definitely anti-climatic. The honeymoon is over and reality hit when a foster care worker was a jerk to me yesterday for no reason. Child welfare...gotta love it.

My biggest fear is that I am stifled in a way that prevents me from doing anything resembling God's work. I can't be God's hands and feet and the State of Michigan's hands and feet at the same time. Or, at least, it doesn't feel like it. But regardless of all that, I am definitely blessed to have a job in this terrible economy and will not forget to thank God for that. At least it's something, right?

Anywhoo. I should go to sleep now. I may have a long day ahead of me..


Pray that I don't have to go to court in the morning and that Detroit Public Schools are closed so that I don't have to face the consequences of not seeing my client tomorrow....

Something.

Right now I feel like I'm missing something. Who knows what it is...I certainly don't. I feel like things should be different than they are.

That bothers me, to be completely honest. It bothers me that I feel like things should be different than they are. Rather, I know things should be different than they are. Which is worse. It makes me discontent with my life. And I shouldn't be. Or maybe I should. The feeling of discontent could lead into change. I know I want things to change, but I'm not sure how to do that. How do I change??

Sometimes I just float by. I'm not going to lie. I just float through my days without a second thought. I need to stop doing that. I need to push through life, leaving evidence of God in my wake. I need people to see God in my existence. I want people to see God in my existence. I know some do, which is great, but I wanna shake it up, a lot. I want people to be blown away by witnessing God's presence in my life. I need to be overambitious. All the time.

I don't like being afraid of life, but sometimes I feel like I am. I think about who I was compared to who I am now, and I can see the positive changes, but I still don't think it is enough. I need to fearless. Like I said before, I want to shake things up.

I need someone to push me. To shove me out of my comfort zone. I need someone to make life uncomfortable, because I don't think I can do it on my own.

Info.

Hey- It's Christmas time (obviously) and I just thought I'd share some awesome organizations with you all so that maybe instead of spending a disgusting about of money on gifts that don't really mean anything, maybe you could spend money on things that will actually help someone.

For this blog I choose TOMS Shoes. Just because I've been to the website amount a million times this week. 

TOMS Shoes (www.tomsshoes.com) is an organization with a simply idea. Places stricken with poverty tend to not have even the basics. Things like, you know, shoes. Which can be very bad because people in these places tend to walk long distances daily to retrieve things like food, water, shelter, etc. So TOMS Shoes provides that basic need. So, with every pair of shoes purchased for yourself, TOMS donates a pair to wherever their next shoe drop will be. 

This Christmas season TOMS has made it a goal to give 30,000 pairs of shoes to villages in Ethiopia. I've already made my contribution... you should too :)

ps-TOMS are super comfortable. And awesome. 

Trust.

We have been reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan in our unity group right now. This last week, I put this quote in our questions to talk about. "But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."

This quote really struck me. I am not sure why. Probably because it is difficult for me to live like this. I have a hard time thinking about putting myself in situations that I don't have control over the outcome. The only thing I can think of that I trusted absolutely completely to God recently was my job searching. I gave that completely to God. And it turned out good. I found a job, that I so far enjoy and I think I can do for God, in a way that I don't think I could do otherwise. 

I hope can learn to live like this. I am envious of those people can just throw themselves into situations doing God's work and they will really be in trouble if God doesn't come through. I want to be that reckless. Sometimes I think I live too carefully and I am missing out  because of it. I need to be more reckless for God. Ha. 

How can I be reckless for God??? Suggestions are welcome.