Mile 10

Running. All I blog about is running anymore. Maybe I'll add a little something-something at the end of this, or save it for another time when I have more clarity on the subject. We'll see.

Anyhow.

Where I last left this blog, I was still training for the marathon. Well, as you all know, I had to stop and drop to the half because of some chest pains I was having. After a few tests and head scratching and tears, there is still no definite answer to that problem. Though now it comes and goes and isn't nearly as severe. The doctor has me on vitamins and some medication to take if I feel anxious. Ugh, anxiety. 

I did make the decision to drop down to the half marathon. It was a decision I knew I needed to make and I knew the answer, but I had a very hard time doing it. I'd been mentally preparing for the full marathon since January. 

By the time I was given clearance to run again, I had a month and a half to get myself ready for the half. I left off at 12 miles for my long run, but with a month off, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I was able to muster up 8 miles before the race, but I was still feeling uncertain.

The day before the race, I had finally gotten to the point mentally where I was okay with just doing what I could. Take it easy, have fun, run the race, walk if I have to, but mostly HAVE FUN. That evening, I fell right to sleep, something I've never done before a race. I woke up at 4am with the piece of mind that I was going to have fun that day.

My mom and I made it downtown JUST in time for the race to begin (stupid traffic). And as I waited with my group, I felt at ease. It was going to be just fine because 13.1 is MY race. I've completed it 3 times before and this is easy. 

I took my time. The bridge and tunnel are always mentally challenging, but I got over and through them just fine. Mile 6 and 7 went by without a hitch. Mile 9, I got my M&Ms, always the sugar rush I need. 

Then mile 10. After this race, I have decided mile 10 is my favorite. I appreciate mile 10. Why? Because at mile 10, I feel the best. I have it in my mind that I am going to finish the race. 3 more miles? PSH, I can do 3 miles. I also saw some friends at mile 10, and it's always good to see familiar faces. And you begin to wind your way back downtown, which means you're nearly there. 

I finished the race. I finished it running. I finished it in a way I've never finished a race before. Completed unprepared. 

But you know, I had so much fun. No PR needed. I still had a stinkin' good time. 

That crazy runner's brain is back. 

So my 2014 game plan?:

Rock CF Half Marathon

Martian FULL Marathon

Riverbank Run 25K

Detroit Half Marathon

2015?:

PR my first marathon time by running the Detroit Full Marathon. I have to run the Detroit full at least once. I love the race too much. 

To Finish What You've Started.

I suppose I was well-intentioned when I originally said that I would document my marathon training through this blog. 

Whoops. 

Well, I guess I'm here now, aren't I? 

I am a month and a half into training for the 2013 Detroit Marathon. I guess I can confidently say things are going okay so far. Except one tumble which left my face looking less than desirable for about 2 weeks. Let's just say I'm glad I don't date ever. I was looking like a hot mess. 

This week has been admittedly rough. I'm feeling especially sore and tired. And I felt dizzy yesterday, which wasn't cool. I drank a ton of water yesterday and today and that's helped a bit. But I have taken it easy these last two days because of it. I've got 12 miles planned for Saturday, so hopefully I can hold myself together until then. 

Mentally, it's been going decent as well. My long runs can get a little lonely and boring towards the end. And sometimes I'm pretty sure no one around me understands why I'm doing this. (Except the hand-full of runners I know). And truthfully, I still feel a little weird about it. 

I feel weird because it's something that not many people do, and goodness knows I never would have seen myself doing. But here I am. 

I was talking to a friend earlier about finding motivators. My motivator is to finish what I started. On October 20th, I want to be able to proudly say, "I ran a marathon today". I really do. 

Next week my training plan calls for 14 miles. That'll be the farthest I've ran. It's only .90 more, but still. I'll be passing up that 13.1 mark, with no medal or crazy crowd waiting for me. And the following week I'll have to do more, unlike the lovely resting week I give myself after the half marathons. 

So here I am, still going at it. Pray for me. Things are about to really pick up and I could really use the support. This mess isn't easy. 

But I guess, in the long run, that's why we do it. 

The Bug.

I approve of this message.

I can rarely express how much I love to travel. But I really do. 

I like new places, with new smells, new dirt and new people, new food. All of it. 

It seems like so far I've been pretty successful at traveling a new place each year for the last 6 years or so.

2007- I travelled to Biloxi, Mississippi as a part of a mission trip to help with hurricane Katrina clean-up. On that trip I was able to visit New Orleans for a day. Very cool city. I'd definitely go back. 

2008- I went to Nashville for the first time. And it was love at first sight. 

2009- This was a sad year. I didn't go anywhere new :(

2010- I definitely made up for it this year and made it all the way across the big 'ol pond to Germany. Best. Trip. Ever. I've yet to top it. 

2011- Colorado. Forced to visit because Patrick had to up and leave me. (Still slightly bitter about it) It's beautiful, I get why he likes living there.

2012- North Carolina. Again another place I was forced to visit because I was once again abandoned. :) Again, lovely state. Love the south. 

2013- ? Nowhere new yet. I'm looking ahead and I'm sure I'll make it anywhere new. I've been to Nashville already this year, and New York may be in the foreseeable future, but that may turn into another trip to Tennessee... so we'll see :)

We'll just call 2009 the dark year. It was a weird year over all. So I'll excuse it. 

I want to always do this. I want to always explore new places and see new things. To be in constant exploration of this wonderful world that God has created. So I plan to. As long as it's possible.

The Goal.

On January 1st, I registered for the 2013 Detroit Free Press Marathon. Not the half.. the full. Many of you know this already, but I have decided that I'm going to actively document this process. I know I'll need it. 

So, I'm still in the prepping stage. To keep myself from getting lazy over the winter, I ran a spring half marathon. Nashville. An absolutely soaking wet 13.1. I was so upset the morning of the race, but once we got going, I really enjoyed myself. I think I PRed by like 12 seconds. So that's something considering the hills and the rain. 

July 1st is the official start of the marathon training plan. So in June I've just been running between 3-5 miles at least 4 times a week. Next week I plan on really buckling down on consistent running and strength training. 

This past week I tried watching my caloric intake through the My Fitness Pal app, so I can maybe lose a few extra lingering pounds. However, running has been terrible this week (getting too tired), and I've been extremely hungry, constantly, all the time, so I'm thinking it's not allowing me enough calories. SO I'm giving that up for now and just going to really conscious about what I'm eating. I don't want training to be ruined by me not eating properly. But I figure that's going to be a "learn as I go" kind of thing. 

So there we go. There I go. Pretty sure this is going to completely consume my life, so I'll need some kind of outlet. Plus it'll be kind of fun to document this process. 

Bring it on!!

Bean Town.

I haven't posted here in a while. To be honest, I didn't really have much to say. Things have been cruising along per the usual. I've been training for the Nashville half marathon, but sometimes I think I talk to much about running and people get bored of it, so I've just kind of left that one alone.

However. After Monday, I feel like I need to say something. At this point I am not really sure what to say, exactly. 

I had left a home visit, and was on my way to Kohls. Why was I going to Kohls? Ironically enough, I was going to find a new running tech shirt to wear in at my race next week. I checked Facebook on my phone, and saw all the posts. I quickly turned on the radio and frantically scanned the radios for any information. I sat in my car completely shell-shocked. I felt sick to my stomach and practically on the verge of tears. 

How could this even be possible? I literally just posted my complete awe of the elite runner's finishing times not 4 hours earlier.

And then suddenly, all these years of me struggling with the idea of myself as a runner, completely faded. I am a runner. I wouldn't feel the way I felt on Monday if I didn't think of myself as a runner. My... our... running community were made into victims that day.

We aren't victims. Runners are some of the most dedicated, crazy, awesome, STRONG people you'll ever encounter. 

Races are some of the most incredible events you can go to. Having only just spectated my first marathon, I'm even more convinced of this. There are so many emotions there. Exhaustion, pride, joy, happiness, excitement, etc. 

And Boston. 

The Boston Marathon is the highlight of those runners lives. The work it takes to get there, I can't even imagine. 

And some selfish, hateful person just took that away. OR did they? The amount of support I've seen in the last few days has been incredible. The way the residents of Boston spoke up and offered anything to stranded runners, the video on the news of all those people running towards the injured after the blasts instead of away, and all those who ran yesterday and today in support. It's really incredible. 

So. Long story short, don't mess with runners. We're strong, and we're determined. 

A few people have asked if I still plan on running Nashville next week. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about it at first. But now. Now I feel like I need to do this. Need to be a part of the wonderful community of people who won't be stopped. 

And we won't. 

Spiritual Diet.

I was pondering to myself while I drove to church today. I often ponder when I'm driving. Pondering, in Hillary world, means that I'm thinking one thing to the next rapid fire. Sometimes I wonder why I don't get more headaches or car accidents, for that matter... ANYWAY. I digress. 

I was thinking about how some people, mainly women, use this certain dieting technique. They will keep a log of the food they've eaten that day. The point being that if you're seeing on paper what you've eaten that day, it'll be inspiration to eat healthier and all that that implies. 

This is not a fitness/weight loss entry. I have a point and I swear I'm getting to it. 

What if we kept a log of the things we do during the day that we know is displeasing to God? Every little sin, every little earthly thing. Every bad judgmental, lustful, angry, selfish thought or action... what then? How would that pan out for everyone?

I know I'd be writing down more than I'd care to admit. 

Then I wondered to myself if that'd change anything. Seeing all that ugly stuff on paper. I certainly hope so. I know I'd definitely be better for it. 

I don't want to write down all those things. I really don't. I want to spend my life doing, thinking, and saying things that will only bring glory to God. Things God will write down and pat me on the back for later. 

That's what I want.  

Pulling my head out of the dirt.

I'm at work. My 1pm appointment never showed up, so I've taken the time to read some women's christian blogs, and it's been really enlightening. 

I feel like God has placed me in a very unique position. I live a pretty unique life, I think. Maybe not. But, at least I think I do. I'm in a position where I can do pretty much anything. I have a job that allows me to sleep in, and parents that allow me to live with them free of charge, so that I can enjoy the money I make. Though, the freedom is smaller with this job, but I'm less stressed, so I'll take it. 

I know I've written about being single many times before. Being single, in this way, places me in an (again) unique position. I've had quite some time to really observe and absorb so much from watching and being around couples (married or otherwise). I'm comfortable enough with myself to maintain friendships with the opposite gender. And friendship, I think is SUPER important to romantic relationships, so that's an asset I hold close. Though, admittedly, my friendships with the same gender can use a little help.

After reading those blogs today, I feel really encouraged and inspired to use where God has placed me. I need to find a way to make my life an illustration for God's awesomeness. It's time to turn what I have for so long thought was a curse, into a blessing to show to everyone. Maybe I'll use this blog for it. Since I've been kind of neglecting this for some time, maybe it's time to bring new life to it. We'll see. 

I don't know. I'm just feeling blessed. Single or not, I want to spend my time being an encouraging, humble woman of God. And I'm feeling really great about it.

Line to the Cherry Tree.

So guys. I'm related to George Washington. That's right. My aunt got a membership on Ancestry.com and my dad came home with this bit of information tonight. I'm going to try and illustrate it on here so you guys can see it. Mary Reade is the key.

My grandpa: 

Orvil J. Richardson son of..

Eva Bennett (1888-1970) daughter of..

Elwood Bennett (1851-1890) son of.. 

Varney Bennett (1820- 1896) son of..

Joseph Bennett (1788- 1843) son of.. 

Joseph Bennett (1731-1837) son of..

William Peter Bennett (1703-1777) son of... 

William Bennett, Jr. (1684-1710) son of..

William Bennett (1624-1670) m. Mary Warner (1663-1686) daughter of..

Augustine Warner (1642-1681) and Mary Reade (1663-1686) .....

Mary's Reade's OTHER daughter, Mildred Warner's timeline is as follows: 

Mildred Reade (1671-1701) had a son..

Augustine Washington (1694-1743) had a son..

George Washington (1732-1799) 

Booyah. 

So here is how it connects. Augustine Warner and Mary Reade's had at least two daughters. One of which (Mary Warner) 9 generations later led to my grandpa, Orvile. The other daughter, Mildred, two generations later, led to George Washington. 

It's hard to describe without seeing the two next to each other, but it's pretty cool nonetheless. :) 

Comic Books.

I thought I'd write a little  blurb about comic books. 

For me, it started as a direct result of having few female friends. I've never been very good at relating to my gender kin, and I've reached an all-time low now that my darling Britts has left me for North Carolina.

Hanging out with the boys has changed how, as a girl, I'm entertained. Firstly, I like those silly video games. I sometimes laugh at things that are inappropriate. And my new thing is comic books. 

It started at the Detroit Fanfare this year. I went because Adam Baldwin from Chuck and the XFiles, was going to be there. And I thought it'd be fun to be in an extremely nerdy environment for an extended period of time. While there, I learned that they were rereleasing some of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics. Being a fan of them as a child, I thought it'd be kind of cool to buy the first two issues. 

I quite enjoyed them and the fanfare, actually. Then I was lent some others by friends and here we are. I'm currently following four different stories. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Uncanny X Force, Amazing Spiderman, and just starting Wolverine and the X Men. And I really want to start the New 52 of Batman. 

This is so strange to me. I never thought I'd be even remotely into such a thing. I'm naturally a reader though. I love to read. And comics are very interesting to a reader who is used to novels and such. It's completely different and to be honest I've had some difficulty adjusting to it. I want to read through the dialouge quickly and know what happens. You can't do that with comics. You have to digest it slowly, and look at the artwork and all that. With novels you create the scenery in your head, with comics, it's provided for you. 
 I'm finding this allows you to learn more about the complexity and personalities of the different characters. It's awesome.


So yeah, I read comic books. And I'm grateful to have the kind of friends who are willing to introduce me to the things they enjoy. Even if I am a girl :P

Yep. :) 

At Midnight.

It is currently 2:30am on the first day of 2012. And my main concern at this point is to remember to date things properly. 

It'll probably take me a month. 

Every year New Years is different for me. I used to care. Now I don't. Is it because I'm an old fart? I really don't think so. God's just molded my heart this way, and I kinda love it. Everyone's all about getting a "fresh" start in their life. Starting over. The old crap year is over and this year is going to be different... 

How many of you actually stick with whatever it was you said you were going to do? Be honest. 

I'm not saying any of this to discourage anyone. It'll turn into encouragement, I swear. This rant is similar to my rant concerning Lent. And here it goes:

If there is something important in your life or my life, that needs to be changed, why do we wait until the beginning of the new year to start it? Because we feel obligated? Because we feel guilty? Because everyone else is doing it and you want to participate in the conversation? 

I stand firmly on this ideal: If something is broken, fix it. Right now. Right when it's laid upon your heart. I feel like I'm lying to God by saying right now, in this moment, that I'm going to change something. What happens tomorrow? A week from now? In a month? Do you still have the new year warm fuzzies and ambition? 

I'm going to take a risk and say no. 

Not everyone is this way. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that many of you will make promises to yourself, to others, to our Almighty God that you're going to fix something. And many of you will soon crash and burn, or not even begin the flight at all; for whatever reason. 

Take heart friends! You are blessed. God will take your broken, defeated heart and mend it anytime of the year. 

So, this what I'll leave you with. As much as I am against New Years resolutions (I even didn't want to capitalize it), write down what it is you feel God is placing on your heart to fix. Go to Him, pray to Him to open your eyes, your heart, your ears. Listen. You'll hear. Take your time with it. If the answer doesn't immediately come to you, keep praying, keep listening, keep TRYING. 

God is speaking. 

He's speaking to me. He's probably speaking to you. 

Psalm 46: 10

Joy Full

I want to tell you about someone I know. Her name is Hazel Chivers, she's close to 90 years old.

I've known Hazel for as long as I can remember. My mom met her at church not when my sister was really young (I think). Which means I've known Hazel literally all my life.

Hazel is sassy, and beautiful, and so full of joy. When she talks, all I can hear is love and Jesus. I know a little about her life, but I'm sure it wasn't an easy one. She was married three different times, I think. Not because she got sick of those men and traded them in for a better model. No, they all passed for various reasons. I knew her last husband. He was also a wonderful man.

I wish I could carry Hazel around in my pocket. I know, it sounds weird. She is so full of encouragement. When I talk to her, her first words are always, "How are you pretty girl? Are you still as beautiful as ever?" Or "Do you still have that beautiful hair of yours?" "Are there any men in your life? No? Well one day you'll find a man who will take care of you the way you deserve." That's usually coupled with a don't settle for less than you deserve kind of statement. She also always encourages me to continue working with people less fortunate, through my job. "I know it's hard honey, but those kids need someone to love them".

To be honest, I usually have a hard time taking in this kind of encouragement because for some reason, it always sounds forced to me. Hazel is different. She means it. From the bottom of her heart, I know she means it.

I want to be like this. When I talk to people, all I want them to hear is the love of Christ. And I can be honest with myself. I know I'm not always the best at being this way. I get upset and cranky sometimes. Everyone does. We just need to learn to deal with it better.

My fear in reaching this goal is that I'll start to sound fake. I've seen the fake. I've heard the fake. I don't want to come across that way.

My soul desires a gentle, joyful spirit.  I just need to look to Christ more and more and more. I know I can get there.




The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing. - Proverbs 10:28

Done.

So guys.

I did it.

I completed 13.1 miles of running in the Detroit Half Marathon. And I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't so completely happy and proud.

I've never been much of a competitor. And even still, I completed the half marathon in 2:45:11. That's not a very "competitive" time, it's about a 12 min/mile. I'm perfectly happy with this.

My goodness. I am so tired. My day started at 4:45am, after not much sleep. I was in a wedding yesterday and I got home late and was all hyped up, so I had to calm myself quite a bit before I could fall asleep. Even then, my heart was pounding while I was lying in bed. I got myself so worked up.

I was very nervous before the start of the race. I tried to focus on the positive energy of the people around me, which as helpful. Being around all those people who are trying to accomplish the same thing you are is really exciting. The mood of the event was great overall.

As a part of the half and full marathon you run across the Ambassador Bridge over to Windsor, and you come back through the tunnel to get back into the city. The bridge was really cool. It was fun to run over the river and get to see all the good views. The incline onto the bridge was pretty intense but I set myself a good pace and took my time. The tunnel, on the other hand, was rather miserable. My feet and legs were getting tired at that point, and the air in the tunnel was so hot and stale. I have to say that was my least favorite part of the run.

Around mile 10, I got a good burst of energy. I think it was the group handing out the M&Ms to all the runners :) The last 3 miles were really awesome. I felt great and happy and a rush has I got closer to the finish line.

AH! I can't believe this is actually done. I'm SO happy I've done this. Not many people I know have. I just feel a real sense of accomplishment and pride that I've actually set out to do something and completed it, so easily. I don't feel like this very often. And I kinda like it :)

Now, bring on next year!!!

To the ladies: On being single and Christian.

I written blogs like this previously. But God has laid it on my heart, so I'm thinking this is where it needs to come out.

I'm a Christian. I'm almost 27 (EEK). I am single. Not kinda single, but straight up, in your face, single.

I have to be honest here. I've had a few moments of self pity. Moments where I wanted nothing more than to be with someone. To have that companionship. But if I'm being REALLY honest with myself and you people, that rarely happens.

For a while there, I thought I HAD to be in a moment of singledom panic. Because that's what we're supposed to do, right? The "I'm fast approaching 30, no end in sight, what am I DOING with my life??!" kind of panic.

I'm not panicking though.

Girls, we're fed this lie. This horrible, defeating lie. This lie that we don't have anything until we have a man. What is this horrible thing and where did it start? This idea has destroyed so much of who we are and what we are capable of doing as single ladies, that it breaks my heart. The goal, it seems, is to keep on constant watch and wait for the next man in our lives. What IS this?

It's a waste. That's what it is. A waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of the precious gift of life God has given us. We're meant to live. To be free.

And please. Have standards. Don't lower what you want to fit what you can get. I won't lower my standards to fill some stupid hole that society tells me I should have.

Ladies, be single. Own it. Don't let that define your life. Don't let it bring you down. You can experience so much life. So much life that you're missing.  One day you'll look back and think to yourself, "I'm glad I had that time to figure out who I am as an individual". Let God be your companion. He will comfort and hold you in a way that a boy never could. God will carry your burdens, your hardships.

Sorry for the muddled rant. Like I said, God has had this on my heart for a while now. And I needed to get it out. It bothers me to see girls hurting because they feel like that have no worth as a single woman.

I'm telling you now. You have SO much worth. SO much. You just have to find in yourself.

Bubbles.

We all live in bubbles.

You didn't know?

I have given this a lot of thought over time. I have my own bubble. My own existence. My thoughts and my heart and my knowledge and my beliefs are all in this bubble. Now, people are included partially in this bubble. Some more than others. And those people all have their bubbles, that I'm also a part of. I'm pretty cautious with my bubble. Too scared that someone is going to take what is inside it and use it for their own good, or to hurt me. Others have an open door bubble. Awesomely transparent. Personally, I can't live with my bubble this way. I want to keep some of it to myself. Save it for someone who is going to take it and love me for it, regardless. God lives in and out of my bubble. All at the same time. Because it's God, and He's more great than I can ever try to put into words.

When you're around people, your bubbles co-exist. And this is what has always gotten me. When I leave you, my bubble goes on, and so does yours. Existing entirely outside of each other, but always aware that you are out there somewhere. For example, after I leave a friend, I go home, or go wherever, 100% aware of myself and my actions and what I'm doing. But that other person is doing the same exact thing outside your awareness and bubble. It's so strange to me. Like I can think of any of my friends at this given moment and picture where they are or what they are doing with absolutely no certainty if that is at all correct. Or my friends could think of me or picture me in my current state, without any certainty if they are correct. But in your or my own mind's eye, that is reality. When it's not.

Then there are these other bubbles floating around with you that you have no connection to, whatsoever. Bubbles with their own thoughts, beliefs, etc. I could be sitting next to someone at a red light, and they exist in their own world, their own bubble, completely separate and unrelated to me. Yet for that brief second, we find our bubbles co-existing. In one small moment.

Are you following? Probably not. I wonder if there is a philosophical science or name to anything I'm talking about right now. Most likely. Anyways. I had this conversation with someone last week and discovered I'm not the only one who thinks about these things. Kinda comforting knowing you're not the only crazy person around.

God Bless

A wrench in my running wheel.

A wrench has been thrown in my half marathon training. Things were going along swimmingly. I am/was getting a little impatient with how slow time was moving, and just wanted it to get here, so I could do it and go back to my cardio/lifting routine. Anyways. On Friday, I started to have some discomfort in my chest, near my heart. Long story short, I went to the ER on Saturday night, and they ran all sorts of tests; EKG, blood clot, chest xrays, thyroids, etc. Nothing showed up except a slight palpitation, but nothing that concerned the doctor. The resident told me it was ok to run, but the other doctor who I saw said to take it easy. Which is hard to do with like barely three weeks left before the race. Even now, almost a week after it started, I'm still feeling the pressure. It makes me nervous. I don't know what I should do about this race. I'll have wasted a lot of money after registering and not doing it. And also be super disappointed that I put in all that work, and told SO many people I was doing it, just to not. However, I don't want to risk my well-being by pushing myself to do something I shouldn't, even though the doctors said all my tests came out fine. I just don't like not knowing what is going on. And I've never had any real health problems. The only major things was a slight case of mono my freshmen year of high school and my horrible nose bleeds as a child. So I'm not quite sure how to cope with all this. The doctors also mentioned to me that it's probably anxiety. Which I've known for a while now is something I have. I just wasn't aware chest pains or whatever could last thing long with anxiety. I always thought it was something that was over within 20 minutes or so. The anxiety is another battle I'm clearly losing, that's another thing I have to get taken care of. Ugh. So basically I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I'd just go to the doctor until somebody figured something out to make it stop, but I don't have insurance right now therefore making all this very expensive :/ Just please pray that I figure this out soon or that it'll just go away. And that I can convince myself that not racing won't be a blow to my credibility and that my health is more important than a stupid race. Le Sigh.

Too much noise.

I have a paper journal that I write in occasionally. I've neglected it more in the last year than I ever have and it makes me a little sad. I need to write more in it because when it comes down to it, everything on the internet seems so temporary. As long as a fire doesn't take my house, or some person steals my journals, I will always have them.

I wrote in it briefly the other night, since I realized that I have neglected it, and subsequently it made me sad. Anyways, after I wrote my blurb, I went back and read some of my entries from when I was still at school. Trust, it goes back that far, it's a big journal, and like I said I haven't been writing in it a whole lot.

This is the conclusion I came to: I was out of control introspective in college. It could be the combination of two things. First, I was in college so obviously I thought I was a deep thinker, intellectual. This may be true, but I've always kind of been that way. Second, I had the time to be like that. And it's that idea right there that is bothering me. I allowed myself the time to sit and think. I don't get that time anymore, it feels like. I walked nearly everywhere, I didn't have texting, I would daydream a lot in classes, etc. I don't even day dream like I used to.Though, this has allowed me to be a more social person, I miss all that about myself. Getting lost in thought is one of my favorite past times, and I've lost that a little. I hope to gain it back. I really do.

The world is too loud. Everyone always has to be filling some desire to make themselves happy. When was the last time you just sat to yourself? Just you and God? I'm embarrassed to say I don't do this as often as I used to, or as often as I would like to.

Our world is dying from the noise. I'm convinced. All the noise of social media, selfish wants, all the horrible ways people get them, how they grew up, what others tell them. The list goes on and on. Ourselves don't get much further than our own skin. Anything beneath that is too real and anything outside of that will force you to think of others first and in our society, it's not very popular.

Subconsciously, I think I realized I was needing to leave all the noise. I need to be more aware of myself and more aware of others. I've been really careful of who I've been around lately. I've been drawn to others I know acknowledge their own growth and the things I may be going through, even without telling them.

I'm grateful for those people. I really, really am.

It's time to get out of the noise. Look past your own skin. Forward and backwards. You'd be amazed at what you find.

80% Mental. 40% Physical.

I am three weeks into my marathon training. So far so good.

I'm still not a fan of wind. Breezes I can get down with though. It's beautiful. I purchased a hat that wicks sweat so that's been key in the prevention of sweat in the eyes. One more thing I learned, don't run at a metro park without bug spray. Last Saturday I got attacked by horseflies. Though swatting them away helped me not focus on how much I had to run.

Running is a mental game. Just like in the movie Little Giants (yay childhood!), they said "Football is 80% mental and 40% physical". Though the math doesn't quite add up. It makes perfect sense with running. My mind goes a million miles a minute when I'm running. The constant, "I'm tired". "I have to run THAT many more miles". "I could stop..." It's a constant battle. I wonder if I'm the only runner who does that. And yes, I am referring to myself as a runner. I think I deserve it.

My longest long run thus far has been six miles. It felt so good when I got done. My knee hurt later, once the endorphins wore off, but still. Tomorrow I have to run seven miles. What's one more?? That's my new philosophy for my long runs, "What's one more?"

I talk to God a lot when I'm running. I know He's the only reason I have to strength and ability to actually accomplish this mess. I am essentially breaking myself down mentally and physically and it's putting me in a nice and vulnerable place to be able to talk to God. It's pretty great. I praise Him for giving me the strength and motivation to try and accomplish this goal. And I plead with Him to take the fatigue and horseflies away. It's one of those things where you can never ask God for something too little. I know we forget that sometimes. That God is there for the day-to-day things as well.

God's so big, He's even in the little things.

Well that's my running update so far. I want to post something just for lady runners, but y'all will be sufficiently warned beforehard. :)

God Bless you all. And happy running.

Marathon training day 1

So here is the conclusion I've come to. I'm going to start training as if I'm running the full marathon, which is my plan. But if I am physically unable to keep up with that, I may just run the half and make the full my goal for next year. You might be thinking, "Well why the defeatist attitude?" I'm just being realistic. I may not be able to physically do it. And I don't want to injury myself to the point where I may never be able to even think about attempting a marathon in the future.

Aside from that, today was the first day of official training. I was little pessimistic because my diet wasn't super great this weekend. I went to Indiana to visit Meredith and visiting anywhere doesn't always equal the greatest food choices. My run went well considering. I ran about a 11-min mile, which is really what I'm aiming for. If it inadvertently improves over the course of the next couple months, great, but I'm not trying to win any awards here. Just to finish the race, and accomplish a personal goal.

So a couple things I noticed today.
-I don't like running into wind.
-However, the wind is useful, as it drys the sweat on my face which would otherwise be going into my eyes.
-I need a sweatband.
-Not a fan of hills either, but I realized today that if I pay attention to my breathing, I am able to get it back to normal.
-I need shorts. Ick.

Alright. Day 1 completed! I'm pretty excited overall. And a little scared.

I just have to remember this one little things: If it were supposed to be easy, everyone would do it.

Hot minute.

Well it's been a hot minute since I've said anything remotely constructive here. May as well try to do that. We'll see how this spontaneity goes.

My brain is bouncing around to different things per usual. As far as the normal complaints goes, here's the update. My job isn't quite what I thought it'd be. We have a lot more consistent families, but I'm not sure how I feel about things and the way they are here. All I know is that I really have the reigns of this program, and I pray my supervisor recognizes that. Because when the opportunity presents itself, I'm planning on moving on. For two reasons: a) I don't make enough money. Only because I feel like my bills are taking over my life, and I haven't felt this way before. And b) I'd like to be doing something else.

I'm pretty happy with myself and everything else. I've come back full circle with the boys and realized for now I'm happy with the way things are. I'm single, not opposed to dating at ALL, but I've also found some patience in the process. I think it helps that I'm really becoming more comfortable with myself and who I am as time moves on. I'm battling my struggles, but I'm making progress, which is SUPER helpful. On that note: If anyone's willing to set me up, I'm game. :)

My brother is moving to Colorado this summer. His wife got a teaching job out there and they are packing up and heading for the mountains. I'm happy for them because I know that's what they have wanted and talked about doing for a while now. I'm just going to miss my Irish twin, and I'm a little jealous he gets to go explore a new place and I don't. One day, God willing, I'll be doing the same. Probably not Colorado, because that's kinda far, but still. I am really excited to have an opportunity to visit a new place. ROAD TRIP!

I still think about opening a bakery all the time. I think it'd be so fun. Maybe I'll do that later in life. Who knows.

I'm doing the pre-training for the marathon. Every time I run, and I get tired, I keep thinking, why the poop am I doing this, but then I remember it's supposed to be difficult. If it were easy, everyone would do it, right?

That's pretty much all I got.
Oh yeah.
God is great.
:)

Side job.

I've been thinking a lot about doing a little side project in my spare time. Something, unfortunately, I find to have a lot of these days.

Since I enjoy baking so much, and other people seem to enjoy my baking as well, I suppose I could find a way to make some extra cash from it.

I need to find some recipes though for some really yummy and creative desserts and try more of them out. I successfully made cupcakes in ice cream cones last week. They look super cute, and tasted pretty yummy as well. So that would be perfect for a little kids b-day parties, especially with summer trying to get here.

I don't know, just something I'm contemplating. My sister asked me to make stuff for Faith and Cassidy's party in June (?) so, that'll be good practice for baking for the masses. :)

That's all.

God Bless. :D