A week ago, was the first in a series of talks about Fear at my church. The first week really had my thinking a lot during the week. And this week was extremely enlightening as well.
Here is the irony: I do believe I had a panic attack today due to some social anxiety. What causes social anxiety? Fear.
That's just ridiculous.
Long story short, at lunch today, I was having some anxiety issues. About as bad as they get for me. It developed into a panic attack I do believe. I've had a few panic attacks before in my life, the first being driving in a blizzard in Grand Rapids. And the maybe, two others have been work-stress related. This was new for me today.
I'm pretty certain of what made today worse than any other day, but at this point, it's not really something I can avoid. I think I just need to learn to manage it or rather, manage myself a little better. Or speak louder when I feel panicky.
My mom wants me to see a doctor, but they'll just give me pills that'll turn me into a zombie for something that's only happened to me three or four times in my entire life. I don't want this.
And for the record, I'm not telling you all this to draw attention to myself. Given what happened to me today, I'd say that's a pretty ridiculous motive for telling everyone. And anyone who knows me, knows I don't do things for attention. I usually do things to avert attention. I'm not sure the purpose of telling you all this actually. It's a little embarrassing for me to admit I can't handle social situations like a normal person. I guess sometimes I put things here just so someone will hear it.
I still feel a little off, but I will sleep soon and tomorrow is a new day.
Thank God for new days.
1 comment:
You handle yourself just fine. The situation you were dealing with causes problems with a lot of people. They just process them differently. You were not the only one with a reaction. A couple other people were reacting also, and not positivley.
No zombie pills for you :)
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