Dear Heart.

There is this song by Sanctus Real that I've really identified with lately.

"Dear Heart, do you belong to me, or do I belong to you? Just look at all the trouble you drag me into. I've heard it said to follow your heart, But I'm starting to wonder if it's gone too far."

I let my heart and my head overtake God sometimes. And sometimes it feels like I can't control it. I know I can though, I wonder if it's easier for me to wallow in what my heart wants, than to really let God take control.

I've been kind of frustrated the past couple of days. I need to calm myself and remember God is in control. Not me. I need to be grateful for that. I am grateful for that, I just show it poorly sometimes.

Christmas and New Years tend to be a bit lonely for me. So I'll snap out of it in a week or so, but still, for right now, I'll mope around. In my head mostly. I don't want people thinking I'm pathetic.

I just need to remind myself that my heart belongs to God.
Not me to it, or it to me. To God.

Philippians

Philippians is blowing my mind right now.

For a few days, it had been on my heart to read Philippians; so last night, I finally listened to God and read it (I'm so slow sometimes, thank you God for being patient with me). It boggled my brain, in a good way.

I read some more of it this morning and I'm going to read it again right now.

If you really read it, I mean READ it, it'll really challenge you. And I tried reading it with the enthusiasm in which it was written (God bless you Paul) and that made it a million times better.

I don't know what the point of this post is except to say that Philippians is really speaking to me right now. I've read it before, but gotta love how the Bible meets you where you are.

Anyhow. That is all.

Go read.

Never, ever again.

I never want to hear the words "Your brother was in a bad car accident" ever, ever again.

Turns out it was bad for his Jeep, and the passenger of the car he hit, but not him. He's sore, but that's all. Fortunately, it was not his fault. A man driving a jeep pulling a trailer turned left in front of him, probably without looking, and Patrick tried, but it was too icy and slushy for him to stop. Patrick t-boned the other car. The passenger was hurt, but the driver and my brother are okay. Well except Patrick's glasses, which suffered death by airbag.

My immediate instinct was to pray. We didn't know all these details when Patrick called my mom. It was unnerving.

Praise God it wasn't worse. I'm still praying for the passenger of the other car. They took him away to the hospital. So hopefully everything there turns out okay as well.

That's all. I just wanted to express my desire to never, ever, ever hear those words again.

Post Secret.

Anyone else been to this website? It's heart-wrenchingly beautiful.

The creator posts new secrets every Sunday, and every Sunday I read them. He usually posts them around or after midnight, so if I'm up, I check it.

People hold some powerful things instead themselves. These people feel like that only way to get it out is to write an anonymous post card to a man in Maryland. I'm that kind of person.

I have a really hard time trusting people. No way around it. I have layers and layers, like everyone else. I just don't usually show them all. That's why I like this blog. I can get things out with having to look someone in the face (when I don't want to) or get interrupted. (I am interrupted A LOT)

We all have secrets. I have secrets. I have other people's secrets.

I want to send a postcard to post secret. I have some things in mind, but I want it to be encouraging and hopeful, because that's how I want to be shown.

Honest and full of hope.

Question.

I have a question for you all.

Does me being quiet most of the time freak anyone out?

I've encountered people before who I think are genuinely uncomfortable by it, and I had another experience tonight.

So... just wondering. : )
That's all.