shtuff.

well i suppose, for me, this is going to be a little embarrassing. I went to Chicago the first week of April, and haven't worked out since. I've ran on those Saturdays, but not anything to brag about. i've really be feeling the backlash of that.

i lost the motivation to run. i don't know if i over-did it and my body and mind just got tired of it or what, but it happened. and i'm having a really hard time finding the energy and motivation to do it again. i have a little more energy than i've had in a while, so i'll be able to pick it up again. i'm just really kinda angry with myself for even stopping. i'm only making this more difficult on myself than it needs to be.

running is super therapeutic for me, i've realized. everyone needs their "me" time and i think this was it for me. my daily mental and physical challenge. because running is as much mental as physical sometimes. my self esteem took a hit too. not gunna lie. running kept me in some semblance of shape. i'm starting to look like i haven't been working out and me no likey.

i know i'm capable of so much i'm not doing. running first. second is my musical stuff. under the layers of my brain, i know there is musical talent in there. there really, really is. untapped potential. but whenever i hit a bump, my progress stops. why i do this? i don't know. it's pretty ridiculous if you ask me. the things i've learned on the guitar so far haven't been that difficult for me. if i really sat down and got it through my brain that i just need to memorize the rest of the chords i don't know, i could really be somewhere with it. maybe even be able to play with the youth group or church, which would be lovely.

maybe from now on i need to focus on what is i can change instead of what i can't.

i can learn the guitar and be awesome at it. i can run a marathon. i can, i can.