Random Confession: Number Two

This is one is doozy. It's kind of selfish, this one. Oh well.

Sometimes I'll see something interesting, or cool when I'm with another person, and I don't tell them about it. :/

You don't know how many times I've seen deer at the side of road, or some cool weather related thing, or stars, and I just let it go. I think it's because I like to enjoy those little moments for myself.

In this day and age, we over-share, I think. A lot of the time I do share things on Facebook or I'll send a text, but the other half of the time, I just keep it to myself.

Is this bad? I am the only person that does this?? Sometimes I think yes.

Oh well. :)

Heart smiles.

I was reading the PostSecrets for this week, and this one literally made my heart smile.

I can identify with this post card. I don't know that I've ever honestly, truly doubted God's existence. I should thank my mom at some point for brining me to church as a child. God has been a reality for me as far back as i can remember. I even asked Jesus to "live in my heart" at some VBS event as a child. I imagined there to be an actual room in my heart where Jesus had a bed and couches. I thought he could even see the food as I ate it. Hey, I never told anyone I wasn't weird, ok? :)

My perception of God as an adult is different now, obviously. The Spirit continues to live on in my soul. I'm glad that I'm able to see the little things in this life that make my heart smile. I've had a lot of those moments lately, and it's for no particular reason, I just feel happy. I've felt more myself lately. More comfortable.

I don't know if anyone has noticed it, but I know I have. So I guess that good. Praise God for personal growth :)

Anyways. I know that was completely random, but I basically just wanted to share that PostSecret post card with you all.

Because it made my heart smile.

Random Confession: Number One

I decided to every once in a while post little confessions about myself on here. Nothing horrible. Little random things I do, or say, or see, or think, that most people don't get to see, or hear. These are things that make me, well, me.

Enjoy.

Number One.

I dance, a lot. It usually happens when I'm by myself. In my room, in the shower, in my car.

I don't know why, it just happens.

Maybe I should have been a dancer.

Short and sweet. That is all.

God Bless.

Irony, But Not the Funny Kind.

A week ago, was the first in a series of talks about Fear at my church. The first week really had my thinking a lot during the week. And this week was extremely enlightening as well.

Here is the irony: I do believe I had a panic attack today due to some social anxiety. What causes social anxiety? Fear.

That's just ridiculous.

Long story short, at lunch today, I was having some anxiety issues. About as bad as they get for me. It developed into a panic attack I do believe. I've had a few panic attacks before in my life, the first being driving in a blizzard in Grand Rapids. And the maybe, two others have been work-stress related. This was new for me today.

I'm pretty certain of what made today worse than any other day, but at this point, it's not really something I can avoid. I think I just need to learn to manage it or rather, manage myself a little better. Or speak louder when I feel panicky.

My mom wants me to see a doctor, but they'll just give me pills that'll turn me into a zombie for something that's only happened to me three or four times in my entire life. I don't want this.

And for the record, I'm not telling you all this to draw attention to myself. Given what happened to me today, I'd say that's a pretty ridiculous motive for telling everyone. And anyone who knows me, knows I don't do things for attention. I usually do things to avert attention. I'm not sure the purpose of telling you all this actually. It's a little embarrassing for me to admit I can't handle social situations like a normal person. I guess sometimes I put things here just so someone will hear it.

I still feel a little off, but I will sleep soon and tomorrow is a new day.

Thank God for new days.