I don't usually elaborate on this part of my life, because I don't like to dwell on the past; especially negative portions of it, but here we go. Oh, and I don't like pity parties. I'm not one to bring up bad things just to make other people around me feel uncomfortable, SO don't pity me, but I am still going to explain myself here since people tend to not really listen to me that well.
In the summer of 1996, my family was basically uprooted. My dad's job was kinda shut down, and my parents opted to be transferred to New Jersey, so my dad could continue to work for BASF. We left everything, to go to nothing. Our family, our friends, our entire life was turned upside down over the course of a summer. My brother and I spent a year in the Stroudsburg, PA school district. The education was poor, the teachers were horrible. I spent that entire year of my life being made fun of and teased. Some things I haven't even really spoken of and to be honest I've blocked most things out. As a result of this, my mom pulled us of out that school and we were home-schooled for the next two-ish years. So I went from the area I loved, people I loved, people who loved and knew me. To nothing. Well, not completely nothing, because I had my small little family unit. And one friend, I had managed to make in school.
During the year of home-schooling, this friend of mine introduced me to a little band called Hanson. They had two songs out on the radio at the time. "MMMBop" and "Where's the Love". I fell in love with "Where's the Love" immediately. It was catchy and happy and made me not think about how lonely and defeated I was. I told my mom about this and she brought me to the local music store to buy "Middle of Nowhere".
Anyone else ever use music as an escape? I know you have. I did. I still do. All this was before I was a Christian. I was young, and I knew all about Christ and stuff, but I didn't know about it like i do now. I didn't know I needed to turn to Christ for all those worries. So I turned to music. Whenever Hanson would be tv, I would watch it. I had (HAVE) all their cds. Even singles and EPs and stuff. I decorated my room.
I literally got rid of all my sadness, by listening to this happy music. I remember the day I found out I was going to their concert. I was sitting on the counter in my kitchen and the tickets had come in the mail. My mom handed me the envelop. I cried I was so happy. And I remember going to the show. It was my first concert ever. It was at the Palace. I had binoculars and everything. We were SO far away, but I didn't care. I was just so happy. My mom even bought me all kinds of merch. Which I'm sure I still have somewhere. Thinking of that small gesture even now makes me a little emotional. There is more to this story, but I'm not going to get into it as I think I've communicated enough of it to help you all understand.
And that folks is why I'm so attached to this band. I love them and their music and how they got me through that difficult time in my life. I know it doesn't sound that tragic, but, for me, it was. Being lonely is the worse thing in the world for me. I still struggle with those things from time to time and I know it's an extension of that move. I've never been really great at making friends, I still struggle with feeling alone and unwanted, like I felt that year at the wretched middle school. Even now, writing this, I get a little teary eyed thinking back on it.
I know, trust me, I know, not everyone has similar tastes in music. What is refreshing to my ears, may not move you the same way and vise versa. And like I said before, I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, or pity me, because God knows that's the last thing I want. I usually just keep my mouth shut, but I couldn't this time. So thanks for listening. :)
Lastly, I will nerd out for a moment and say I finally met one of the Hanson boys. I was SO SO beyond happy at that moment. I know it's dumb, but I can't help it. Their music has been with me for 13 years. They've gotten me through many things, and make me happy.
SO again, thank you Hanson for bringing me joy when nothing else could.
5 comments:
I may not understand the Hanson kick, as I explained yesterday, but I definitely understand being in love with things that others criticize. I used to watch Newsies (a Disney musical) like five times a day, because I was sent to live with my aunt one summer and my grandpa recorded it for me off of television. I could recite that entire movie to you, every line and every song. I think everyone can empathize with this post, because everyone has something in their past which really meant something to them.
You have made me teary too. And let me tell you, I like ALL KINDS of things (including some people) that other people don't like. It's a way of life for me. What's sad is that we find ourselves trying to defend it because some people can be so critical, just for the sake of being critical. Really, there's nothing to defend. Thanks for posting this. I honestly feel like I know you a little better now. Viva la Hansen.
VIva la Hanson! I like that Dave!!! :) And Katie, is that you???? I was kind of confused by your comment b/c I didn't know it was you. sneaky monkey...
You have sorta mentioned a little of this to me before and now it makes even more sense. I know what it feels like to be uprooted and alone. My parents did it to me twice at crucial times that I would have preferred to not move. I'm probably so good at games and obsessed with movies because of it. I didn't have Hanson to get me through it, I had my video games and movies.
PS.
anytime I have joke about you liking Hanson isn't because its Hanson, its because of your reactions. But I believe I may stop that now.
I have NO idea what Hanson sounds like or what they sing about. However, I do know that it is funny to sometimes watch others 'talk' to you about Hanson. Who cares what you like? I am famous for liking 'lame', 'old', or 'terrible' music. I don't care! Like who and what you like and don't care what others like and don't like. (music of course)
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