Escape.

I need to start planning some kind of escape route.

The last week or so my need to be someplace else has gotten really bad. I kind of feel like I'm wasting away my life here waiting for something that won't ever come. I don't even know what I'm waiting for.

I look at other people who go boldly into life and take risks and experience everything they can experience and I get a little jealous. I want to be that person. But I'm scared to. I will not lie to you lovely blog people. I am scared. I am scared of life, I am scared to do things alone, I am scared that I will fail. This pretty much applies to every aspect of my life; relationships included. I'm scared of relationships. No wonder I'm single, ha.

I don't want to be scared anymore. Everyone fails, but at least they tried, right?

The secondary part to my problem of being a scared little girl is that I'm not sure how to change any of this. So in my mind, I need to just uproot myself and try someplace else. That's the only solution my mind can come to. I know I threaten to leave so often that most of you probably look at it as an empty threat, which is understandable. It's just extremely terrifying to move myself away from what is familiar to someplace that isn't where I don't know anyone. But people do it all the time, so why can't I?

It's frustrating. To know I need to do something different, but not really know how or what to do. Time to be proactive I suppose. Go find the answer instead of waiting for it to fall in my lap.

Yeah. That'll work.