The singleton.

Hi, my name is Hillary, I'm in my mid-20's. I'm single and a Christian. (Hi Hillary).

I feel like a fall into a small little group of people within the Christian community. I used to feel weird about it. But I'm here to say, I'm a little proud of it. I like feeling unique, and if this is the way, then this is the way.

This should come as no surprise to me. I've always had a different mindset than people around me. I see the world in my own special way. My parents think I'm naive. That's perfectly fine with me. I don't want to be jaded by the world's expectations of who I should be at this age.

Last night at my unity group, we were talking about the last two chapters of Ephesians. We got to the section where it talks about women obeying their husbands. Which is a hot-topic discussions. Women get huffy and men puff up their chests, and this is because they don't really understand what it's communicating.

Everyone knows about the part where it talks about wives obeying their husbands. But little is mentioned about the husbands responsibilities to their wives. I'm single now, but I'm looking forward to the day when God provides me with a God loving man who will love me and care for me like Jesus did for His church. A man who will give up his life to protect me.

I will wait as long as I have to if that's what is waiting for me somewhere. Trust me.

Hard work.

It's hard work trying to constantly put a positive spin on things. I exhaust myself trying to do so.

As many of you know, I've had a rough past weeks. Mostly work related with a little bit of my personal life thrown in there. I'm still trudging through it. It's getting harder.

I was thinking just now how I think my life is probably like an etch-a-sketch and God has just shaken it up and now He's in the process of drawing a new sketch. That would be great. You all know how ready I am for something new and different. It's just the transition that is kind of a pain.

Once the dust settles, it seems like it'll be all good. So dust: settle quickly. I'm exhausted.

Escape.

I need to start planning some kind of escape route.

The last week or so my need to be someplace else has gotten really bad. I kind of feel like I'm wasting away my life here waiting for something that won't ever come. I don't even know what I'm waiting for.

I look at other people who go boldly into life and take risks and experience everything they can experience and I get a little jealous. I want to be that person. But I'm scared to. I will not lie to you lovely blog people. I am scared. I am scared of life, I am scared to do things alone, I am scared that I will fail. This pretty much applies to every aspect of my life; relationships included. I'm scared of relationships. No wonder I'm single, ha.

I don't want to be scared anymore. Everyone fails, but at least they tried, right?

The secondary part to my problem of being a scared little girl is that I'm not sure how to change any of this. So in my mind, I need to just uproot myself and try someplace else. That's the only solution my mind can come to. I know I threaten to leave so often that most of you probably look at it as an empty threat, which is understandable. It's just extremely terrifying to move myself away from what is familiar to someplace that isn't where I don't know anyone. But people do it all the time, so why can't I?

It's frustrating. To know I need to do something different, but not really know how or what to do. Time to be proactive I suppose. Go find the answer instead of waiting for it to fall in my lap.

Yeah. That'll work.