Hi, my name is Hillary, I'm in my mid-20's. I'm single and a Christian. (Hi Hillary).
I feel like a fall into a small little group of people within the Christian community. I used to feel weird about it. But I'm here to say, I'm a little proud of it. I like feeling unique, and if this is the way, then this is the way.
This should come as no surprise to me. I've always had a different mindset than people around me. I see the world in my own special way. My parents think I'm naive. That's perfectly fine with me. I don't want to be jaded by the world's expectations of who I should be at this age.
Last night at my unity group, we were talking about the last two chapters of Ephesians. We got to the section where it talks about women obeying their husbands. Which is a hot-topic discussions. Women get huffy and men puff up their chests, and this is because they don't really understand what it's communicating.
Everyone knows about the part where it talks about wives obeying their husbands. But little is mentioned about the husbands responsibilities to their wives. I'm single now, but I'm looking forward to the day when God provides me with a God loving man who will love me and care for me like Jesus did for His church. A man who will give up his life to protect me.
I will wait as long as I have to if that's what is waiting for me somewhere. Trust me.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Hard work.
It's hard work trying to constantly put a positive spin on things. I exhaust myself trying to do so.
As many of you know, I've had a rough past weeks. Mostly work related with a little bit of my personal life thrown in there. I'm still trudging through it. It's getting harder.
I was thinking just now how I think my life is probably like an etch-a-sketch and God has just shaken it up and now He's in the process of drawing a new sketch. That would be great. You all know how ready I am for something new and different. It's just the transition that is kind of a pain.
Once the dust settles, it seems like it'll be all good. So dust: settle quickly. I'm exhausted.
As many of you know, I've had a rough past weeks. Mostly work related with a little bit of my personal life thrown in there. I'm still trudging through it. It's getting harder.
I was thinking just now how I think my life is probably like an etch-a-sketch and God has just shaken it up and now He's in the process of drawing a new sketch. That would be great. You all know how ready I am for something new and different. It's just the transition that is kind of a pain.
Once the dust settles, it seems like it'll be all good. So dust: settle quickly. I'm exhausted.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Escape.
I need to start planning some kind of escape route.
The last week or so my need to be someplace else has gotten really bad. I kind of feel like I'm wasting away my life here waiting for something that won't ever come. I don't even know what I'm waiting for.
I look at other people who go boldly into life and take risks and experience everything they can experience and I get a little jealous. I want to be that person. But I'm scared to. I will not lie to you lovely blog people. I am scared. I am scared of life, I am scared to do things alone, I am scared that I will fail. This pretty much applies to every aspect of my life; relationships included. I'm scared of relationships. No wonder I'm single, ha.
I don't want to be scared anymore. Everyone fails, but at least they tried, right?
The secondary part to my problem of being a scared little girl is that I'm not sure how to change any of this. So in my mind, I need to just uproot myself and try someplace else. That's the only solution my mind can come to. I know I threaten to leave so often that most of you probably look at it as an empty threat, which is understandable. It's just extremely terrifying to move myself away from what is familiar to someplace that isn't where I don't know anyone. But people do it all the time, so why can't I?
It's frustrating. To know I need to do something different, but not really know how or what to do. Time to be proactive I suppose. Go find the answer instead of waiting for it to fall in my lap.
Yeah. That'll work.
The last week or so my need to be someplace else has gotten really bad. I kind of feel like I'm wasting away my life here waiting for something that won't ever come. I don't even know what I'm waiting for.
I look at other people who go boldly into life and take risks and experience everything they can experience and I get a little jealous. I want to be that person. But I'm scared to. I will not lie to you lovely blog people. I am scared. I am scared of life, I am scared to do things alone, I am scared that I will fail. This pretty much applies to every aspect of my life; relationships included. I'm scared of relationships. No wonder I'm single, ha.
I don't want to be scared anymore. Everyone fails, but at least they tried, right?
The secondary part to my problem of being a scared little girl is that I'm not sure how to change any of this. So in my mind, I need to just uproot myself and try someplace else. That's the only solution my mind can come to. I know I threaten to leave so often that most of you probably look at it as an empty threat, which is understandable. It's just extremely terrifying to move myself away from what is familiar to someplace that isn't where I don't know anyone. But people do it all the time, so why can't I?
It's frustrating. To know I need to do something different, but not really know how or what to do. Time to be proactive I suppose. Go find the answer instead of waiting for it to fall in my lap.
Yeah. That'll work.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
What's a girl to do?
There are so many things I want out of life. Most of the time I have a difficult time with not getting these things by the time I think I SHOULD get them. So childish and immature of me. My time on this earth is not my time. It's God's time. And I am learning to respect and appreciate that.
However.
When something happens that I wanted to happen, I don't know what to do with it. My heart races and I feel like I am having a "flight" reaction. Nerves.
Yesterday I applied for a position at a domestic violence shelter in Franklin, TN. Just outside of Nashville.
They called me this morning.
Now I'm freaking out.
That is all.
However.
When something happens that I wanted to happen, I don't know what to do with it. My heart races and I feel like I am having a "flight" reaction. Nerves.
Yesterday I applied for a position at a domestic violence shelter in Franklin, TN. Just outside of Nashville.
They called me this morning.
Now I'm freaking out.
That is all.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Not myself.
I haven't been feeling much like myself the last week or so. It's bugging me. Things just feel a little off.
I don't know if it is because of the trip. I had SO much fun in Germany. It was an amazing experience. The trip was simple, but kind of short, but it was amazing nonetheless.
Maybe it's because I know now there is the world out there that I had always wanted and craved. To have discovered that kind of place exists has thrown me off my axis, if you will. A kind of place where everything is as it was, and people still appreciated the simple life. A place that isn't over crowded and over run with subdivisions and malls and just stuff. A place where each town had a church tower that you could see looming above everything else in each little town nestled by the rivers. A place where they sell fruit and vegetables from carts on the streets (strawberries and asparagus). Where people walk or ride their bikes everywhere. It was really refreshing.
Then I had to come back to a place where every inch of available land is covered with buildings and houses and just stuff. It's particularly bad now seeing as most buildings are abandoned. We just need to knock them down and leave it be.
I think that's why living more south appeals to me. It's simpler there. At least that's the impression I've gotten when I've visited.
All in all. Things feel different. Like my world has been knocked around a little bit. I'm not sure yet if that's a good or bad thing. I guess, like always, I'm just ready for something new and Germany gave me a little taste of that. I am left trying to figure out where I belong and how I should get there. I feel a little out of place sometimes, it's just been more in my face lately.
I'll figure out. Eventually. Until then I'll just continue to complain :) I need to start taking my own advice. People come to me often for advice and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it, so I think I need to start listening to myself.
I just miss Germany I guess. It really left an impression on me and it makes me kind of sad to be here and not there.
I'm going back. Anyone wanna join me???
I don't know if it is because of the trip. I had SO much fun in Germany. It was an amazing experience. The trip was simple, but kind of short, but it was amazing nonetheless.
Maybe it's because I know now there is the world out there that I had always wanted and craved. To have discovered that kind of place exists has thrown me off my axis, if you will. A kind of place where everything is as it was, and people still appreciated the simple life. A place that isn't over crowded and over run with subdivisions and malls and just stuff. A place where each town had a church tower that you could see looming above everything else in each little town nestled by the rivers. A place where they sell fruit and vegetables from carts on the streets (strawberries and asparagus). Where people walk or ride their bikes everywhere. It was really refreshing.
Then I had to come back to a place where every inch of available land is covered with buildings and houses and just stuff. It's particularly bad now seeing as most buildings are abandoned. We just need to knock them down and leave it be.
I think that's why living more south appeals to me. It's simpler there. At least that's the impression I've gotten when I've visited.
All in all. Things feel different. Like my world has been knocked around a little bit. I'm not sure yet if that's a good or bad thing. I guess, like always, I'm just ready for something new and Germany gave me a little taste of that. I am left trying to figure out where I belong and how I should get there. I feel a little out of place sometimes, it's just been more in my face lately.
I'll figure out. Eventually. Until then I'll just continue to complain :) I need to start taking my own advice. People come to me often for advice and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it, so I think I need to start listening to myself.
I just miss Germany I guess. It really left an impression on me and it makes me kind of sad to be here and not there.
I'm going back. Anyone wanna join me???
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
My trip. :)
This will probably be the most epically long post I'll have ever written. I'm going to try and write in detail about my trip, because I want to share this experience with you all :)
Day 1- Endure a 8 1/2 hour flight over the big blue lake. Which I did not get to see because it was dark over the portion of the flight. I was really hoping to get to see Ireland, but it was all clouded over. Go figure. I did get to see England, the Netherlands and Germany from my plane window. I noticed that those countries don't section off land like we do. We do it in squares, they just create any 'ol shape. And the land wasn't cluttered with houses, and cities, and subdivisions. There was real space.
I arrived in Frankfurt, half dead asleep. My dad and I got lost in the airport trying to find the mietwagen (rental car) counter. Finally found it and drove to Mannheim. Mannheim was mostly destroyed during WW2 due to the industrial sites located in that area. So the city is very modern by German standards. I took a nap and joined my dad and his colleagues that night for dinner. Learned a lot about my dad's job. And the crazy people he works with.
So not a lot happened this first day.
Day 2-
My dad still had to work this day, so I spent it wandering around Mannheim by myself. I actually really enjoyed this. I walked around the downtown area and up a main street. It was nice to wander around and enjoy the people and the culture of the area. I even did some of things I saw other people doing, just to seem like a local. (Street cart pretzel and a gelato)
Day 3-
Today was our long day. We drove 3 hours to the region of Bavaria to visit a couple of castles. It was a beautiful drive. Got to see a lot of the German countryside which looked like it was straight from a fairy tale.
We visited Schloss Neuschwanstein and Schloss Hohenschwangau (Highland of the Swan). Crazy King Ludwig was born in Schloss Hohenschwangau, and he built Schloss Neuschwanstein. Crazy King Ludwig was obsessed with swans. Both castles were decorated in them. After he took over rule of Bavaria from his father he built Schloss (castle) Neuschwanstein. He had it designed by a stage designer, basically, because he wanted the castle to have a mystical feel to it. He resided in his new castle 100 some days before he was diagnosed mentally unfit to rule. The following day he was found dead by drowning alongside his psychiatrist. He details of his death are still unknown, and his castle remains unfinished. Very interesting.
Here is Schloss Hohenschwangau:
And here is Schloss Neuschwanstein:
Walt Disney modeled his princess castle after this one. The real deal is way more beautiful than the replica.
Day 4: Heidelberg
Now, Mannheim, where we were staying, was "new" Germany due to it being mostly leveled during WW2 because it was an industrial area, and were most likely manufacturing weapons or something. Heidelberg, just down the road, is old Germany. A classic town right on the Rhine. It was magical. I loved it. The town had some tourist aspects to it, but it didn't overcrowd the essence of the town itself. Our first stop was the cathedral in the town. We walked around, took some pictures, enjoyed the old church. I then spotted a sign that said we could go to the tower for 1.50 euro each. I made fork out the money and up we went. It was the best spent 1.50 euro on the entire trip. We climbed a stone spiral staircase, up to the tower. This church has been around since the 12th century and you could see it in the stairs.
Here's my dad:
And me:
We got to the top and I felt like I could see every square inch of Heidelberg. It was amazing. Kind of hard to describe if you weren't there. So here's a picture:
After the cathedral we went to the castle that was in Heidelberg. The castle here is more like a fortress. Built sometime in the 1100s. It had been destroyed and rebuilt from battles several times. There weren't many specifics on the the castle other than that.
Then we traveled to Speyer to see a cathedral there. This cathedral wasn't quite as stunning as the one in Heidelberg, but it was definitely bigger. This cathedral also had a crypt. This crypt held some tombs of emperors and such. The oldest being placed there in 1039.
Outside this cathedral was an interesting monument outside. I don't know if monument is the correct word, but I don't know what else to call it. It captured the moment of Jesus in the garden praying while his disciples slept. Then at the bottom there were Roman guards coming into the garden to arrest Jesus.
I thought it was an interesting choice as a piece of art outside this cathedral. I liked it a lot. And I was able to explain to my dad was it was, which was pretty cool.
Day 5: Schloss Garten/Castle Road
This was my last full day in Germany. That morning, we traveled to Schwetzingen. Schwetzingen had a well known castle and castle garden. I wasn't sure what to expect. But when we walked in I was completely blown away. The palace we went to has a massive garden. My dad and I were there probably three hours or so just exploring the grounds. It was beautiful. I kept thinking that if I lived in a palace, I would probably spend all of my time outside in the gardens. The flowers were beautiful, the trees were beautiful. There were little mazes off from the main pass. We found bird cages, fountains, parrots, ponds, bridges, statues. All kinds of things.
The history of Schloss Schwetzingen is that its first written record was in 1350. It was occupied by many different people, and the gardens really expanded in the 17th century.
Here are a few pictures:
I loved that place, I think I could have spent all day there.
After there we traveled along this road that my dad was suggested. My dad's co-worker told him there were castles there and it was right along the Rhine river. So we bit, and went for the drive. There was a castle about every 1/2 mile on this road. All were on the hill, overlooking the river. We took the time and stopped off at a little German town during our drive to eat. It was an adorable little town. There were ruins of an old cathedral there which was turned into a rememberence of the Jews who were wrongfully murdered during the holocaust.
We continued down castle road. We found a castle there that we were able to go into. This castle was like Heidelberg Schloss in that it was more of a fortress than a palace. For me it was the best because it was more out in the open and we were able to explore the grounds as we wished. It seemed every area was open to the public. It had underground tunnels and little nooks and crannies that I could explore. I loved being to explore at my leisure. I again, felt like I could have spent all day there. Just exploring and all. My dad wasn't so into me climbing into dark holes... party pooper. We are also forced to leave due to an impending thunderstorm.
That night we went to our airport hotel. I had my first and only German beer.
Day 6: Going home.
That morning I flew home. I was not thrilled about this. I think I could have just stayed there and lived happily ever after.
Day 1- Endure a 8 1/2 hour flight over the big blue lake. Which I did not get to see because it was dark over the portion of the flight. I was really hoping to get to see Ireland, but it was all clouded over. Go figure. I did get to see England, the Netherlands and Germany from my plane window. I noticed that those countries don't section off land like we do. We do it in squares, they just create any 'ol shape. And the land wasn't cluttered with houses, and cities, and subdivisions. There was real space.
I arrived in Frankfurt, half dead asleep. My dad and I got lost in the airport trying to find the mietwagen (rental car) counter. Finally found it and drove to Mannheim. Mannheim was mostly destroyed during WW2 due to the industrial sites located in that area. So the city is very modern by German standards. I took a nap and joined my dad and his colleagues that night for dinner. Learned a lot about my dad's job. And the crazy people he works with.
So not a lot happened this first day.
Day 2-
My dad still had to work this day, so I spent it wandering around Mannheim by myself. I actually really enjoyed this. I walked around the downtown area and up a main street. It was nice to wander around and enjoy the people and the culture of the area. I even did some of things I saw other people doing, just to seem like a local. (Street cart pretzel and a gelato)
Day 3-
Today was our long day. We drove 3 hours to the region of Bavaria to visit a couple of castles. It was a beautiful drive. Got to see a lot of the German countryside which looked like it was straight from a fairy tale.
We visited Schloss Neuschwanstein and Schloss Hohenschwangau (Highland of the Swan). Crazy King Ludwig was born in Schloss Hohenschwangau, and he built Schloss Neuschwanstein. Crazy King Ludwig was obsessed with swans. Both castles were decorated in them. After he took over rule of Bavaria from his father he built Schloss (castle) Neuschwanstein. He had it designed by a stage designer, basically, because he wanted the castle to have a mystical feel to it. He resided in his new castle 100 some days before he was diagnosed mentally unfit to rule. The following day he was found dead by drowning alongside his psychiatrist. He details of his death are still unknown, and his castle remains unfinished. Very interesting.
Here is Schloss Hohenschwangau:
And here is Schloss Neuschwanstein:
Walt Disney modeled his princess castle after this one. The real deal is way more beautiful than the replica.
Day 4: Heidelberg
Now, Mannheim, where we were staying, was "new" Germany due to it being mostly leveled during WW2 because it was an industrial area, and were most likely manufacturing weapons or something. Heidelberg, just down the road, is old Germany. A classic town right on the Rhine. It was magical. I loved it. The town had some tourist aspects to it, but it didn't overcrowd the essence of the town itself. Our first stop was the cathedral in the town. We walked around, took some pictures, enjoyed the old church. I then spotted a sign that said we could go to the tower for 1.50 euro each. I made fork out the money and up we went. It was the best spent 1.50 euro on the entire trip. We climbed a stone spiral staircase, up to the tower. This church has been around since the 12th century and you could see it in the stairs.
Here's my dad:
And me:
We got to the top and I felt like I could see every square inch of Heidelberg. It was amazing. Kind of hard to describe if you weren't there. So here's a picture:
After the cathedral we went to the castle that was in Heidelberg. The castle here is more like a fortress. Built sometime in the 1100s. It had been destroyed and rebuilt from battles several times. There weren't many specifics on the the castle other than that.
Then we traveled to Speyer to see a cathedral there. This cathedral wasn't quite as stunning as the one in Heidelberg, but it was definitely bigger. This cathedral also had a crypt. This crypt held some tombs of emperors and such. The oldest being placed there in 1039.
Outside this cathedral was an interesting monument outside. I don't know if monument is the correct word, but I don't know what else to call it. It captured the moment of Jesus in the garden praying while his disciples slept. Then at the bottom there were Roman guards coming into the garden to arrest Jesus.
I thought it was an interesting choice as a piece of art outside this cathedral. I liked it a lot. And I was able to explain to my dad was it was, which was pretty cool.
Day 5: Schloss Garten/Castle Road
This was my last full day in Germany. That morning, we traveled to Schwetzingen. Schwetzingen had a well known castle and castle garden. I wasn't sure what to expect. But when we walked in I was completely blown away. The palace we went to has a massive garden. My dad and I were there probably three hours or so just exploring the grounds. It was beautiful. I kept thinking that if I lived in a palace, I would probably spend all of my time outside in the gardens. The flowers were beautiful, the trees were beautiful. There were little mazes off from the main pass. We found bird cages, fountains, parrots, ponds, bridges, statues. All kinds of things.
The history of Schloss Schwetzingen is that its first written record was in 1350. It was occupied by many different people, and the gardens really expanded in the 17th century.
Here are a few pictures:
I loved that place, I think I could have spent all day there.
After there we traveled along this road that my dad was suggested. My dad's co-worker told him there were castles there and it was right along the Rhine river. So we bit, and went for the drive. There was a castle about every 1/2 mile on this road. All were on the hill, overlooking the river. We took the time and stopped off at a little German town during our drive to eat. It was an adorable little town. There were ruins of an old cathedral there which was turned into a rememberence of the Jews who were wrongfully murdered during the holocaust.
We continued down castle road. We found a castle there that we were able to go into. This castle was like Heidelberg Schloss in that it was more of a fortress than a palace. For me it was the best because it was more out in the open and we were able to explore the grounds as we wished. It seemed every area was open to the public. It had underground tunnels and little nooks and crannies that I could explore. I loved being to explore at my leisure. I again, felt like I could have spent all day there. Just exploring and all. My dad wasn't so into me climbing into dark holes... party pooper. We are also forced to leave due to an impending thunderstorm.
That night we went to our airport hotel. I had my first and only German beer.
Day 6: Going home.
That morning I flew home. I was not thrilled about this. I think I could have just stayed there and lived happily ever after.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
first impressions
Hello all.
I'm a world traveler! woo.
I've been here two days and really haven't seen much outside of Mannheim (where we are staying), but I love it here so far. I just spent like three hours just walking around the city. I came back to the hotel to cool off for a second.
So here are some things I've noticed so far:
-Jet lag sucks. By the time I got to the hotel yesterday, I'd been up 24 hours. Needless to say, but I took a nap, lol.
-The food is different, but I've enjoyed the majority of it so far. I bought a pretzel from a street cart today. It was delicious.
- I feel like God is hogging the cool part of the clouds. On the plane ride over, the clouds were beautiful.
- From the plane I noticed that Germany is very green.
And most of all, I love how classic everything is. In America we have to constantly update everything. I now decided we got screwed out of just awesome looking places. From what I've been told, Mannheim is pretty updated because I guess during WW2 it was bombed a lot. Not sure why, about to look it up though. The oldest things here are the wasserturm or water tower, and the university which used to be a palace. Some of the streets are still stone and some of the apartments are pretty classic looking. OH and people ride their bikes EVERYWHERE. Which is something I would also say the states is lacking.
Well that's all from me so far. May not hear from me again until I get home seeing as I have to pay for the internet in the room and it's like 13 euros a day. And my dad is off work after tonight, so we'll be doing more sight-seeing. I'm about to head out and try to find this chocolate shop I passed by earlier and to get some food. Wish me luck ordering food... haha.
God bless!!!!
I'm a world traveler! woo.
I've been here two days and really haven't seen much outside of Mannheim (where we are staying), but I love it here so far. I just spent like three hours just walking around the city. I came back to the hotel to cool off for a second.
So here are some things I've noticed so far:
-Jet lag sucks. By the time I got to the hotel yesterday, I'd been up 24 hours. Needless to say, but I took a nap, lol.
-The food is different, but I've enjoyed the majority of it so far. I bought a pretzel from a street cart today. It was delicious.
- I feel like God is hogging the cool part of the clouds. On the plane ride over, the clouds were beautiful.
- From the plane I noticed that Germany is very green.
And most of all, I love how classic everything is. In America we have to constantly update everything. I now decided we got screwed out of just awesome looking places. From what I've been told, Mannheim is pretty updated because I guess during WW2 it was bombed a lot. Not sure why, about to look it up though. The oldest things here are the wasserturm or water tower, and the university which used to be a palace. Some of the streets are still stone and some of the apartments are pretty classic looking. OH and people ride their bikes EVERYWHERE. Which is something I would also say the states is lacking.
Well that's all from me so far. May not hear from me again until I get home seeing as I have to pay for the internet in the room and it's like 13 euros a day. And my dad is off work after tonight, so we'll be doing more sight-seeing. I'm about to head out and try to find this chocolate shop I passed by earlier and to get some food. Wish me luck ordering food... haha.
God bless!!!!
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