organic praise.

Today at church the power went out. During praise and worship.

The band kept playing.

It was awesome.

It was nice to hear everyone singing. A few laughed, myself included because it was such ridiculous timing. But we just kept singing.


Not having words to read, not having power behind the music would not stop us from praising God. Rock.

God was smiling with us today.

That is all.

gettin' out of dodge..and when I say dodge, I mean here.

I am a bit perplexed about something. Go figure...

For quite some time now, I've felt that where I am now, is not where God wants me to stay. At the moment, things are going well for me here. God is using me through my job and my responsibilities at my church. But there is just this thing in my brain that keeps telling me to leave. I've got an itch to go someplace new, someplace different.

I'm perplexed because I do not know where that is, or how to get there. Or if that is even God telling me that or my own heart's discontent. And it worries me because I do not know if there is something different I should be doing to take these steps that I"m just not seeing. Something God wants me to do but I'm not doing. Not out of rebellion, but out of, just, ignorance or distraction.

It seems that within the next year things are going to be really different around the 'ol homestead. Lots of people making big choices and moves in their lives and I hate to see them go, but I'm happy for them. Happy that their lives are moving, and God is moving. Makes me think I NEED to be moving. And soon.

I don't know if I have the courage to go far. By myself. I'm terrible at making friends and it's taken me this long to really make good ones here. Nothing can stay the same, as it shouldn't. And I'm glad it's not, happy, in fact.

I need some direction. I need to know where and when I should be making my steps. God will guide me. Otherwise I wouldn't know what the heck to do. And I'm glad He's there, otherwise I wouldn't know what to do.

I think I may start looking for jobs in other cities. Maybe outside of Michigan and I know I've said this before but maybe I'll actually do it this time and if it's God's will then He will open doors for me. I know this for a fact.

So just pray that God will reveal His path for me. So I know what direction I need to be moving in...

What If?

I don't usually ask 'what if?' questions. I don't like the uncertainty it causes me to have about my own life or that I feel like I've missed out on something better because of the way things transpired. Some 'what if's' can leave me feeling grateful. Others can leave me feeling empty.

I was thinking of a "what if" right now and it led me to think of the ultimate "what if". What if Christ had never risen on that first Easter. It gives me chills to think of it, but sometimes I need that reminder of how important what Christ did is to me and to us. He took on OUR sin, to save US. That kind of Love is SO beyond me. Even as I sit here at my computer and try to comprehend that kind of grace and love... leaves me without words to say.

I know I don't deserve that kind of Love. I don't. I sin constantly. Even without realizing it until later, if at all. I am broken, we are broken, the world is broken. But what God has done can make us whole again. Even now, after so many years of being a Christian, it amazes me. I guess that's why songs like "Amazing Grace" are so popular... it speaks volumes.

So tomorrow (today) and every day for the rest of my life I will try and remain amazed and in awe of God's love for us.

Another one.

Well folks. I spoke too soon. Had myself another bad dream two nights ago. When I woke up from this dream I realized that it is all too familiar.

This time, it was not a friend who was trying to harm me. It was just a man. A man who was creeping around my house and gazing into the windows looking for me. He knocked on the door and someone let him in. I hid. It was pretty creepy.

When I woke up, I suddenly remembered that I have these kinds of dreams often. I don't know why that kind of thing is lurking in my subconscious. This man wanted to hurt me, and then kill me. Ugh.

I wonder if it's from all the fear I ignore most days. Some would say I'm naive when it comes to some realities. I am an in-home social worker in Detroit. I wouldn't say this the safest profession for me to have stumbled upon, but I am not fearful. I work alone, most days, and I don't just walk into my office and sit there for 8 hours. For example, today, I will spend approximately two hours in my office, and outside of that I am in the field.

I have no fear. I wonder if that makes me brave or just stupid. I wouldn't say stupid. I think it makes me brave, so that's what I'm going to run with.

Believe it or not, when I move on from this job, I think I'll miss the city a little bit. I heard a radio ad the other day that was saying the Detroit has a pulse. I 110% agree with that. Detroit is struggling, but the city is alive. You just need to know what you're looking for. Outside the abandoned, gutted structures, are the people. The people who breathe life and culture into the city. It's really amazing when I see it.

I'm glad I don't live my life in fear. There isn't much I'm afraid of. Things I'm scared of are kind of random: drowning, centipedes, cancer, balloons...

What are some random things you're scared of??

So I will continue on, living my life without fear. Call me naive, but I'd rather be this way, than to miss out on the life God has created for us. Ya know?

Dreams.

I had a bad dream last night. I never usually have bad dreams... but when I do, they shake me to the core. Fortunately, this one I can barely remember, but it's still sticking to my brain.

This is what I remember. I was with my friends, doing what we do... shenanigans. And suddenly one of them lashed out and tried to kill me. I was terrified. The idea of someone I trust, sincerely wanting me dead was a little disheartening... to say the least. At the very least, I only have a vague memory of this dream, so I'm alright, lol.

Dreams are so crazy to me. I don't remember dreams as often as I used to, which makes me a little sad. I used to love waking up and replaying the little episode in my mind the next morning. I also rarely have bad dreams. I've known a few people throughout my life who usually only have nightmares. That's no fun.

I wonder if God still uses dreams the way He used to. Showing people the way while they sleep. And them having faith strong enough to know that was a sign from God showing them what to do. I wonder if I'd be able to distinguish that. Hmm..

If anyone has a technique to remembering dreams, you should tell me. Because I miss it. :) I think, also, if I start remembering my dreams again, I'm going to document them here, because I've had some crazy ones. :-P

That's all of my rambling nonsense, procrastination for now. Pray that my almost murderer doesn't kill me today when I see him, lol.

Just a number.

Britts-Crackers and I were talking earlier about some silly things. And I was suddenly reminded of how old I am. I had a mini-panic attack. haha.

I'm 25 1/2. Eek.

I'm caught somewhere between being terrified of 26, and just not thinking about it. Not thinking about it is not really a defense mechanism.. I really just forget my age. It's really odd, I don't feel like I'm going to be 26 this year. I really don't. I feel more refreshed and alive now than ever. I am really starting to really be myself, and be who I want to be without being afraid of what other people will think of me. I've got myself a pretty darned good group of friends who I know love me for me. I've said that here before, but I really mean it. I heart them. :)

Age really is just a number. I'm not rushed to get things done. I know I may mention it sometimes, but sometimes I think I say it because I feel like I should, or that I'm supposed to. Sure I want to get married, and have a family. But I think, that right now, I'm kind of okay with the way things are. I don't know. I really feel like my brain is wired backwards. I teeter between not caring and being panicked about how old I am and that I'm not quite where other people are at, at my age. As a Christian female, it is kind of the norm to be at least married by now, if not darn near close to starting a family. Honestly, I don't feel like that is just for me yet. Maybe if the opportunity presented itself, I'd feel differently, but right now, I'm not feeling any rush or hurry.

I feel wrong for feeling this way. I don't not want these things, but I've finally gotten to a place where I can feel comfortable with myself the way things are. I'm happy for that.

I know my last few posts have been glass half full silliness, but I really am happy. Joyful even. I hope others can see it. I really do. I want to be that person that just lights up a room with the joy that only God can provide. I feel like that's a pretty good goal to have. :)

I also hope that I can inspire girls to find their worth in other things than whether or not boys like them. Being beautiful to yourself makes you beautiful to other people. I'm really beginning to believe that.

So that's all of my rambling. My thoughts are kind of scattered, but in a good way. Sorry if my writing reflects that. :) Just gunna have to deal with it.


That's all. God bless!!!

In my face.

God has been all up in my face lately. And I so much appreciate it.

People are moved in different ways. A good book, movie, a kind word, etc. I've been realizing lately that music really speaks to me. A lot. I always feel closest to God during praise and worship at church. And I feel like I understand life a little better when it's written in a song. Even if there are no words, I kinda just get it.

I've been working lately at honing my guitar skills. It's a very slow process. I wish I had known all this earlier in life so that I could have really taken advantage of my younger mind. They say it's much harder to learn music/new languages when you get older and I consider music my second language. Even though I'm stumbling through it.

Update wise:
I'm still trying to find my way. My job hasn't been too horrible lately. Getting through the holidays at this job is always difficult, and now two-ish months later, I've finally gotten back into a groove.

I've been working out a lot lately. I'm becoming addicted to it again, like I was when I was at school. It's good times. Even if I do have to work out with those silly boys (who are pretty ok, but I would never tell them that, they already love themselves too much :P).

Still single. Still okay with it. I get into funks every once in a while, but nothing that really kills me. I know God knows what's best for me, and I'm enjoying life right now with no committments, so I know that's how God wants it for now. Just enjoying the possibilities of life, ya know?

I'm going to Germany at the end of April. I am SUPER excited. Going to Europe was on my Bucket List, so I'll be able to cross that off. (I should probably make an actual Bucket List...just as a reference point, and so I can cross things off of it). I'll be in Germany for a week. Take two days off for travel time. We are planning to see castles, go up into the Alps, drive on an Autobaun (eek), eat street pizzas, and I'm currently trying to talk my dad into going to Paris (fingers crossed on that one). The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the plane ride there and back. 8hrs there and 9.5hrs back(flying against the wind). Needless to say, I'm super pumped! :)

That's all. I was just tryin to kill some time at work before our meeting, you know, instead of doing casenotes...don't judge me! :)

I'm out.
God bless :)